Yesterday was Bulldogs Fan's last day. It was a very sad occasion and he will be sadly missed. He used to work with me in my department until he got shifted away into punching holes into purlins. I wrote him a lovely poem and he laminated it. Awwwwww.

It turns out The Thin One (who is preggers) had a bit of money trouble when Triple H was working with us (diddling, in other words) and Triple H lent her $2000! Thin One still owes her $1000 but I don't know if she will be going to jail to hand it over....Apparently The Clown knew this but never saw fit to tell The Glam and myself.

Also, to The Glams husband who likes to read my blogs, here is a special message "Cups Galore!"

Oh, and ZING to me - Implants was twirling about on her chair, implants thrust out, when Chicken Noodle Man saw me looking and asked me to get on the tables and do some dancing. I replied "No thanks, I have class". ZING!!!

Things I have observed this week.

• IT Guy has gotten in trouble for talking about Triple H. WTF? This is all the excitement we have! Don't take it away. Aparrently he got questioned as he gave her a faster computer as hers broke. He helped her diddle us faster. Right on!
• Blinky Bill has come back after getting his lumps removed. He seems very cheerful for someone who now has a huge dent in his back.
• The Clown is now a fire warden which means in the event of a fire, we better not follow him as as he mentioned in the training "Why do I need to know how to put out a fire, I'd rather watch it burn"
• Implants has now announced that she used to be in a porn movie and her name is Busty Beckie. Also she was a stripper at age 17. I always thought she looked like she was from a lower class area *cough Woodridge* but this really proves it.
• The Thin One has come back from 2 months from working somewhere else. She hated it there. So she is back here. And two months pregnant.

Oh, today I saw our lovely IT guy - Hmmm, what can his name be....The Fister. He is so sweet, The Glam and I just love him to bits. We try to convert him from being into the men, to take his cherry so to say, but must not be enticing enough.

ANYway - I saw him and said "Oh Fister! Look at you, you're looking so adorable" and we start crapping on sexual innuendo (he is safe, remember) and The Bog Snorkeler walks past, looks at us and says "Can you go and be adorable elsewhere?" UGH. So I said really loudly, "Bye Fister!!" and walked off. We had a good chuckle about it later.

It annoys me, this place, when we are treated like we are in kindergarden.

They found a cheque in her drawers!

The funniest sight today was the office drawers being wheeled down the hallway by Ex-Air Force. Apparently she has been diddling the company out of money.

Diddling!!! And she is really good at it too.

How much? I don't know yet. I will be checking in about 2 weeks to see the court transcripts online. This is just so fascinating. Triple H was such a NICE person. It's strange to think that all this time it was just a persona, an act, and she has been taking money. Incredible.

I wore my 5 year service badge today! I modified it - I made a sticker to cover the company name so it now reads "5 years of Interwebz". No body noticed. Except Big Daddy who read it "Inter-webs? Whats that?" Oh lord.

Ok, well we have news about Triple H. She's not dead.

I got to work and almost instantly the Clown called me up. I started singing a random song as a greeting, as you do. The the Clown let loose with pretty much the most entertaining thing of the day...

"She's in jail!!"

Yup, Triple H is in jail. For stealing off her former employees. Twice. Once for about 12k then the next for about 30k to pay her legal bills. She is in jail until March next year and then she is released on parole.

She hadn't told her husband, kids, anyone.....no wonder he was ringing up looking for her. She was such a nice person. Nice. They say it's the quiet ones you have to watch and I guess this is proof.

The Glams main concern? That she leaves her designer handbags on her desk all day and Triple H could have gone through it.

It was in the main newspaper. Lets just say the Transport department (the only area with a newspaper) was pretty busy today.

I think My Boss is going mental. He sits in his office all day making noises and today he was doing a sparrow impression, flapping his arms about the place. He used to work at Cockatoo Island in Sydney where he has admitted he used to have LSD trips, so perhaps he is having flashbacks to his youth.

Never a dull moment.

Triple H is missing.

She has not been to work for the past two days - her mobile is off, her husband doesn't know where she is, her kids don't know.

The Glam thinks he has murdered her. Put her in the crawlspace. She wants to go and sniff her out. I think she watches too much C.I.

It doesn't help much that I told this to her in strict confidence - as naturally I don't want to be seen telling gossip - that after I told The Glam, she came down to my end of the office and said (really loudly, but she says most things loudly) that "I think the husband killed her!"

I grabbed her scarf and whispered ssssshhhhh into her ear. She lowered her voice a tad.

Oh, very sad news here. Pommie has resigned. No more poetry collaborations for us. No more "thats fabulous, put it in the book".

I showed The Glam a gorgeous piccie of my latest love, but she was not impressed. I still had the picture open when Implants walked over and proceeded to say 'Whos that, he's f**ken ugly.' I tried to win her approval by showing her another picture but I got the same responses. Does no one else at this place have any taste??? I cannot understand these people.

Ok, now both of the sticky notes have been removed from the machine. Spoilsports!! Who would do this? I curse you.

Another lone chip machine in the factory got raided yesterday, I hear. The guy who filled it up had left it unlocked (silly bugger) and the factory boys opened it on up and took most of the chips. I presume the chips that were left were horrible, unpopular flavours.

Blinky Bill is away next week - he is getting an operation. He is starting to tell people he is getting circumsised so people leave him alone and stop asking him about it. He is just glad to be away from work for the entire week. He cannot wait to get operated on for a week off.

As I was leaving work today, I glanced behind me at the chip machine.

Someone had replied to my note.

Stop Stalking Me

And it wasn't The Clown. We had a great laugh over this. I love to mess with peoples minds.

I am trying to help The Clown not eat chips from the chip machine.

I left a sticky note on the machine that read:

Step Away From The Machine - You Know Who You Are

He ended up finding the note, which was intended. I might put a new note on it every few days or so, bring some excitement back into this dull place. You never know, other people might think the note is for them.

I overheard Queen Bitch saying that she is going "bog snorkeling". Why you would choose to announce this to the entire office is a mystery. Perhaps this is something she does on a regular basis, maybe this is why she knows her shit smells better than mine, becuase she immerses herself in bogs.

Who knows. Who cares.

The Glam has peed on a stick and it seems she does not have diabetes. It is also her birthday. Pommie gave her a big hug which then resulted in his smelly balls. At least thats Blinky Bill's opinion.

The IT Guy has installed Active-x on my pc. This is going to make surfing the interwebz so much easier for me. I made out that it was to view a work related course on the intranet....I told him about my money making idea for Ebay, which is to buy singlets, pose in them, and offer to sell them 'unwashed' for all the weird men out there who would be keen to sniff a young girlies singlet. He seemed to think it may be a good idea, but not to go much further than the singlets. Are there really men out there that would buy this trash? I am always interested in making a quick buck.

It seems Thursday Girl is misbehaving. My ears are tingling as I try to hear all the goings on. Apparently there are whispers of her lying to her colleagues. Will inform more when it arises.

The Glam may be moving up my end of the office. We will have to be very well behaved if this is going to eventuate. If not, we may get sacked. And have to work at the Resort. Yes, we have a brothel at the end of our street. Nice.

The Glam thinks she may have Diabetes, pending confirmation. What will this mean to the assorted birthday cakes that the staff flock to like flies around a fresh pile of dung. She will now have to look longingly at said cakes.

Female Elton John are you not capable of looking at your own phone list? Do I look like I know every single person who works out in the factory, I sure hope not. Go away and stop invading my precious cubicle.

Once again our computer system requires a shut down. I believe this has something to do with The Clown copying over the price book yesterday, it seemed to slow down the entire system and he even commented that it maye cause a shut down. Good work, Clown!

Suit week can be fun. It is similar to messing with peoples minds. The Clown only had 10 minutes to get ready this morning so he neglected to wear a suit. He has already had several comments on why he wasn't wearing a suit today. The One Who Looks Like Elton John But It's a Female and also The Mistake have commented already. Tee hee.

I was rather taken aback when The Animal Hater declared she wanted a moped for delivering paperwork from desk to desk, which is roughly 2 metres away. This could explain her rapidly expanding waistline.Today a bunch of Corpses posed for a retirement photo of some Old IT Guy that is retiring. They grabbed a large piece of card, with the words "Happy Retirement" written on it in a messy nikko scrawl.....who says this company is cheap?

Today forms day 3 of suit week. At least The Clown, The Glam and I are wearing suits. We want to throw some sexy back into the dull goings on and make everyone step up to our level.

This will not happen. They simply aren't hot enough.

I think today is performance review day...at least, thats what I was gathering when My Boss starts yelling out that he enjoys iced donuts. It really would help if he would confirm what day I should bring in the iced donuts.

Seems trivial to suck up to an already predecided, regimented pay rise. Oh boy! Look, it's 2.5% again this year! Thats enough to buy me a Dior bag. Another one.

My job is weird.

Or rather, the people at my job are weird.

This will be an opportunity to tell all about my workmates (using their initials - or nicknames) and vent some frustration....

Here we go.